My name is Imani.

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Taking into consideration the current ‘In The Mind’ season on BBC, a series on mental health.   I thought it an appropriate time to blog about something very close to home.

Throughout my life I’ve always been very emotional. I love being happy, sad, angry and everything in between. I love feeling feelings.

However, at the age of 14/15 things started to get dark. I felt painfully empty and useless.

I actually started to harm myself physically and mentally.

I went to visit a councillor. I didn’t want to be there, so nothing really changed.

My parents eventually found out how I was feeling. This was the best thing that ever happened to me. I realised that I wasn’t alone.

Things didn’t change immediately. At the age of 17, I’d have to take regular breaks from whatever I was doing to go and cry. I couldn’t concentrate and everything was just too much.

I eventually managed to find ways to cope and now I’m happy that I am back to being productive, organised and in control.

I still don’t really know why I felt the way I did.  But I do know that if you do feel that way, it’s OK.

I know it’s hard. I also know that I’m not the first person, or the last person to have felt like this.

It can be scary to talk. It may feel silly. The two things that scared me the most about talking about my feelings were ‘Will I get a job if people know about my past?’ and ‘There are so many people that have it worse than me, I must stop being so selfish’.

You don’t have to tell the world. But please talk to someone you trust. No feeling is too ridiculous. Being able to talk can make such a difference.

 

 

 

 

A sugar rush gone too far…


It has been a month since retiring from my life as an ‘athlete’. During this month, like many in my position would, I went off the rails a little bit.

For me going crazy means chocolate, cereal and pizza.

In the past I have allowed myself 1-2weeks per year of pure junk food. Usually on my binge weeks the lack of substance in my diet results in me getting grumpy and irritable – imagine a tired toddler.

This time I decided to up the anti and do a whole month of allowing myself a few extra bowls of chocolate cereal.

This time I had taken it too far. I’ll be the first to say “My name is Imani and I am an addict.”

The usual mood swings from the highs and lows of sugar would hit me on a daily basis.

But then shit got real, excuse my French.

I was in the cinema with a friend and midway through the film I started to get really, really hot. I then got really, really dizzy.

This is not normal.

I decided to go to toilet. Barely able to make my way down the stairs, I reached the exit. Only to find that I was sitting on the floor. A loud buzz in my ears and everything shaking inside my head.

I manage to stand up and use my weight to push the door open. Only to walk a few steps and then find myself falling slow motion back to the floor.

The next thing I know I was in the bathroom, again on the floor. I splash cold water on my face, other ladies look at me like I’m a mad woman.

I finally have enough energy to slowly walk out of the bathroom and find a member of staff, a few minutes later and I was fine.

Kids, please remember to eat your greens.

Mamma, Pappa I hope you don’t read this! If you do, please don’t shout at me…

Pretty Little Lisbon

I have never been to Portugal before. When searching for a birthday gift for my beloved Thomas, the cheapest flight I could find was to Lisbon, Portugal. We once again found ourselves armed with Ryanair tickets, crammed together on a plane, just like the day we met. How romantic.

The highlight of Lisbon for me, was the use of colour on all of the buildings. Cute buildings tiled from top to bottom were everywhere and pastel coloured buildings pink, blue, lilac, yellow and more. My eyes gazing up at the balconies and buildings, poor Thomas found himself being dragged down side roads to look at the pink house, or at the flowers or at the street name made out of tiles. Although there was clearly a lot of thought that was put into the buildings when they were first built, everything in Lisbon seemed a little bit broken. Paint that was peeling, tiles that were missing and graffiti covered the streets – even still, every colour, tile and balcony still warmed my heart in the way that the initial architects intended.

There is more to Lisbon than tiles and paint, but I was too busy looking at tiles and paint to  take in all of the rest.

Until next time.

 

Obrigado x

Pink and blue.

Pastel appreciation.

Clothes out to dry in the rain.

Pretty little details.

Tiles.

 

My take-home message from The City of Champions Dinner 2016.


It’s not rocket science.

We all want to do better. We all want to do this, we all want to do that.

It’s not rocket science.

After attending The City of Champions 2016 gala dinner raising money for DMSF, I realised – It’s not rocket science.

Dame Kelly Holmes, Anthony Crolla, Tracey Neville MBE, the Smith brothers, Kings Chambers, Andy Lord, Harold Riley, Nadine Merabi, Greens Vegetarian, Diane and Vicente Modahl and everybody that was there on the night they know the formula – It’s not rocket science.

The key to success is not rocket science. It’s the ability to get on with it. To do what needs to be done and do it wholeheartedly.

Giving back is also fundamental. Many of them spoke of someone that supported them at some point.

They all get it. Work hard, be selfish at times, but also give back.

They did it. They told us how to do it. Now it’s our turn.

It’s not rocket science.

   The Nadine Merabi auction prize.
 The Gallagher’s gym auction prize.

 #inspired

Gran Canaria Winter Daze


9am the sun is out, I decide it will be a good idea to go for a run on the beach. I have never been to Gran Canaria before, nor have I done much research on the place, all I know is that the sun is out all year round.

It’s January, I spent a week in Gran Canaria. Soaking up the sun at day and at night finishing off my essay.

On this particular morning when I was on a run on the beach, I saw a naked man. I nudged my mum “Mamma! Look.” Then we continued on our run.

Later on the same day we decided to visit the sand dunes. Between the golden dunes and shrubs naked people were walking around. How fascinating.

We carried on happily venturing on our way. Then we finally found out we were on a nudist beach. I always seem to end up on nudist beaches and they always seem to be the best beaches. Maybe we could share them?

There was no point to this story, I just really enjoyed my day on the beach.



The following day we decided to go to a market. I hate markets. Mamma loves markets. I decided to take her on a detour. We ended up in a much more exciting place with the most beautiful flowers and water that was Crystal clear.

The market was overrated.


We then ended up at a fun fair. It was empty. I wanted to ride a donkey, but the man was packing them away. We looked at the Ferris wheel and decided to eat a strawberry lace each. We then returned to the apartment.

Gran Canaria was really fun, I’m not sure what we actually did though.