Taking into consideration the current ‘In The Mind’ season on BBC, a series on mental health. I thought it an appropriate time to blog about something very close to home.
Throughout my life I’ve always been very emotional. I love being happy, sad, angry and everything in between. I love feeling feelings.
However, at the age of 14/15 things started to get dark. I felt painfully empty and useless.
I actually started to harm myself physically and mentally.
I went to visit a councillor. I didn’t want to be there, so nothing really changed.
My parents eventually found out how I was feeling. This was the best thing that ever happened to me. I realised that I wasn’t alone.
Things didn’t change immediately. At the age of 17, I’d have to take regular breaks from whatever I was doing to go and cry. I couldn’t concentrate and everything was just too much.
I eventually managed to find ways to cope and now I’m happy that I am back to being productive, organised and in control.
I still don’t really know why I felt the way I did. But I do know that if you do feel that way, it’s OK.
I know it’s hard. I also know that I’m not the first person, or the last person to have felt like this.
It can be scary to talk. It may feel silly. The two things that scared me the most about talking about my feelings were ‘Will I get a job if people know about my past?’ and ‘There are so many people that have it worse than me, I must stop being so selfish’.
You don’t have to tell the world. But please talk to someone you trust. No feeling is too ridiculous. Being able to talk can make such a difference.